Alas... there's nothing for me to buy.

Everyone knows I am an avid shopper. Everyone also knows that as soon as money lands in my pocket that I like to take off for the shops. Usually, I'm buying things I need-- shampoo, lotion, replacement eyelash curler for the one Evan permanently "hid". I also buy things that Evan needs such as diapers or baby wipes or other baby sundries.

I can't quite explain it, except to say that even though I don't have any money, that shopping relaxes me to some degree. Instead of wandering around thinking, gee, I shouldn't be shopping because I don't have any money, I like wandering into a clothing store, putting together an entire outfit for under $25.00, and trying it on-- even if I don't end up buying it. I like combing clearance racks, garage sales, estate sales, thrift shops. My closet is a motley combination of these things.

So, this past Friday I got paid. Evan was with my mom and dad for the holidy weekend, and so, I took some time to shop it out. I went to Wal-Mart, got some toiletries for myself, two outfits for Evan, and one for me-- which I ended up returning. I shopped in TJ Maxx for an hour and a half, and walked out empty-handed. I went to Deb-- a trashy, cheap-y place, bought a skirt-- and returned it today. I also wandered into Old Navy-- tried on a denim skirt-- and walked out empty-handed again. I had to wonder: why, when I gots the funds, why can't I finds no fun threads? HM.

To tell you the truth, I began my shopping excursions this weekend with a very hopeful attitude. I was inspired because Friday night, when I was out at the Blackstone Bar with my friends Courtney and Dan, I saw the girl I would've liked to have been at 20 or 21. One: her thighs didn't touch in the middle; two: her hair reached the middle of her back-- perfect blond, ringlets-at-the-bottom; three: she was wearing hot pants-- so help me God-- black hot pants-- and high-heeled sliver glitter mules. The Playmate-wannabe inside me was jolted awake. You see, I've always wanted to wear a very short skirt with very high boots (or something like that--I didn't even dress like that at 20)... and so, the rest of the weekend, I aimed to replicate a more age-appropriate version of that hot little mama's look.

That's why I returned so many things. Very short skirts are better left to the very tall and very skinny and very young. When I put on a short, three-tiered ruffle mini, I look like a fat cheerleader. If I tried on hot pants, I'd look like the Stay-Puft stay-at-home Marshmallow Mom. No kidding.

Weirdest thing of all: while I've bitched about gaining a few in the last year, it seems that running has made my ass firmer, but wider. How that's possible, I dunno-- but, I have a bubble-butt and a fierce desire to wear a mini-- and am really frustrated that these things don't jive.

Let's hear it for lipo.