Glory Be! Cable TV!

I forgot to tell everyone something very fortuitous. Yes, fortuitous; and very special besides.

We ordered basic cable; we are being charged for basic cable; but for some reason, we have 100 channels! Among the supremely awful: The Inspiration Channel (Brain candy for the Christian Right--features shows where kids with terminal illnesses meet the President and talk about God with him--a very bad idea), Lifetime (if they played only Facts of Life reruns, I'd watch it forever and always, even at the gates of Heaven-- but they mostly show movies which star women like Justine Bateman and Tracey Gold as bulimics, battered women, and incest victims), and Oh! (which is slightly like Lifetime, but maybe less tacky-- the only way to know for sure would be to watch-- and this I cannot do.)

Among the supremely brilliant: Food Fucking Network. Oh God! I'm moist already thinking of all the shows about roasts and cakes and soups and drinks. Do it to me, Emeril! Do it to me, you Big Iron Chef, you! Rachael Ray, what ELSE can you do in thirty minutes? And can you do it to me?

(What a loser I am, eh?)