Mmmmm.... math

I have been and always will be horrible at math. When I explore the reasons why, though, it really doesn't seem to add up... I can (and am generally willing) to work hard at things; I am a practical person who likes definitive answers-- though I like to ask "how" and "why" on the road leading up to said answer; I am willing to try something a few times to get it right...

Does all mathematical intelligence stem from natural ability? I think there's a difference between math knowledge and math talent (which must stem from some special chromosome I lack)-- I really only need the former to succeed in life and in my career, so I cultivated none of the latter. It's possible that the development of math talent is connected to environment, as well.

In elementary and middle school, I had some really crap math teachers. One was given to wearing pastel colored polo shirts and torturing us with stories about tennis (oh yeah, and he was a total prick); another was a red-haired, glasses-wearing, smoke-breathing dragon who used to show us episodes of some mathematics-based PBS show (also a total prick, BTW). My learning experiences in their classes was not first-rate, as the only reason people like those described become teachers is to get summers off.

High school was the opposite-- I had some great math teachers who were dedicated, patient, and truly gifted-- shouldn't my math talent have been nurtured and spilled forth with teachers like that? No, I still got C's and D's.

It's possible I wasn't always bad at math. It's possible that I became that way, through caring only just enough about it to get by. I had one math class in all of college, and that's all I needed to get where I am now, in my cushy (haha) job as temporary faculty here at CMU. I worked my ass off to get a "C" in College Algebra.

Math seems like it should be pretty easy, at least on that somewhat-remedial level. Why would I only earn a "C", even after going to tutoring almost every day? I mean, I did my homework religiously; I attended every class, on time; I attempted all extra credit problems, etc. I think one reason I only got a "C" was because I didn't care about Math in the right way-- that is, even though I did all the work, I was fine with just passing and that's it. I created an average environment in which to achieve, so average is exactly what I achieved.
It probably would've been unrealistic for me to earn an "A" in Math, but I probably could've gotten at least a "B-" with a better attitude toward the subject.

Why all this writing about Math? I don't really think about my math history much, and nor have I ever written about it. Exploring the idea came from what I observed as I walked down the hallway to my office the other day-- classrooms full of bored-to-drooling freshmen, doodling anything but equations in their notebooks. How I feel for their poor instructors, who earnestly attempt to help these kids make sense of positives and negatives, and x = whatever... without much response or interest on the part of the students. I teach the same kids, but in subjects without definitive answers, so while the product of my job is a little different-- the teaching issues I face are the same.

Many students care only about "just getting by." They want to put in "C" effort, but expect (and believe they deserve) "A" grades. I guess that's one difference between myself as an undergrad and those I teach at present: I realized that I earned my "C" and didn't expect any more than that just because I'm a nice person. I felt entitled to that which I set my sight upon, nothing more and nothing less. (I imagine now I could've graduated with a far higher GPA if I'd set my sights just a little higher-- Algebra included.)