What a pisser!

I've had a letter to the editor published in the latest issue of EASY FOOD. I can't count that as a publication on my CV, but I still found it quite a crack up.

It was a great letter-- that is, the one I emailed to the editor, in its entirety, was a great letter. The last sentence was corny, magazine-y: it even had a direct address to the publication and a gratuitous exclamation point: "Thank you, EASY FOOD, for helping me to broaden my cultural and culinary horizons." Notice, also, the graceful punctuation and the balance of diction in the end. I gave myself an A. This letter, I believed, would win the "luxury hamper"-- a basket of wine, cheese, crackers, etc., which I would've gotten in time to share with my Mom, Dad, and Grandma when they visit in a few weeks.

Alas, the letter the EASY FOOD feckers published was severely edited. It was shortened to two or three sentences in length, and they even adjusted the syntax, putting commas where there shouldn't have been. The letter that won the "luxury hamper" was written by Shirley from BFE, and it wasn't half as literary. I think she won because she offered suggestions to help improve the magazine.

If I were an editor, I wouldn't award anyone who was overly critical of my publication. I'd read the letter and be like, "Right, this is going straight to the bin." Then, when I saw a great letter, which both praised the publication and credited it for making measuring in metric easier, I'd be like, "Yes, let's give this person-- Andrea, from Dublin-- TWO luxury hampers."

I blame EASY FOOD for making it so my family will have to eat Tesco Value crackers when they come to visit.