Soon, very soon...

I'll be 29.... I'm not totally flipped out about it yet, but, I have a feeling that on my birthday proper I might have a little freak out. This is because some small irrational part of me will keep thinking: you're closer to 30, you're closer to 30, and what have you done with your life?

Most of my friends are 30 or over and are still really cool. At 30, I hope to be like my friends who are 30 and over-- still cool. However, I would like to note that most of them did have a minor freak out when they turned 30. That is, in some way, shape, or form, every one of my friends had some sort of massive goal they wanted to accomplish "by the time [they were] 30". Many of these include: getting married, having a baby, paying off some portion of humongous debt, buying a house, traveling the world, etc. (At present, I have accomplished two and a third of this list-- with both major and minor success).

My question: Where does this 30-anxiety come from? Why do people feel like they all-of-a-sudden must settle down and become "real" people once they hit 30? As a child, I don't recall having any anxiety about turning 7, 8, or 9-- maybe about turning 13, or even 16-- but I suppose that was less anxiety and more about looking forward to major "firsts"... simply becoming a teen, for example, and then learning to drive.

But, I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel some sort of 30-pressure closing in on me. It's cliche; it's ridiculous, and I can't believe I stoop to such silliness. But, because some humans are prone to cliche influence, I feel the heaviness of 30 hanging over me like an evil giant's fleshy thumb. In one swift smush, I could be totally crushed.

To keep myself hanging onto the threads of my 20's (and so I can recall fondly my glory days) I will do all (or none) of the following before I turn 30:

1. Get a tattoo (or two).
2. Get published (again).
3. Win something.
4. Maintain (or lose) weight.
5. Stop passing up opportunities to buy impractical and excessively beautiful shoes (as I did just this evening, when shopping at TJ Maxx-- a pair of 3.5 inch high cork heeled shoes embellished with rhinestones cried out, "Save me, Mama!" and, because I am a callous bitch, I kept walking).
6. Get a job without following qualifiers: temporary, contract, adjunct, part-time, seasonal.
7. Travel to one of my old Euro-digs.

And now, to spend the rest of the evening computing final grades. I heart Math.