Mama's Yucky Morning

It began about 5:45 AM, when I was awakened by the sound of Evan crying in his bed. At first, I thought he'd woken up because he lost his bebop (family code word for his pacifier); but, upon entering his room, I smelled that I was dead wrong. There he was, standing in his crib, gesturing toward his crotch, which is universal sign language for "CHANGE ME."

Change him I did, and what a production it was. His onesie and entire pajamas had to be changed. I used about 11 baby wipes, much in contrast to the usual 2. Then of course he had to be rocked and given some milk. I put the dirty clothes in the washer to soak, and went back to bed about 1/2 hour later... at 6:15 AM. I should've just stayed up for the day.

I slept through my alarm, got up about 8:15, and remembered that I needed to go to work early to have copies made. I left the house with a shower but without coffee and without packing a lunch. You might think who cares about those two latter things, as one can purchase both coffee and lunch at a variety of places on a college campus. But you can't purchase GOOD STRONG coffee, and you can't purchase sandwiches with Branston pickle on them.

Therefore, my breakfast consisted of a 16 oz weak-ass coffee, and a chocolate chip bagel smeared with peanut butter. Let me say that I thought it was a cinnamon raisin bagel when I picked it up. I like chocolate and even go in for the occasional chocolate sandwich, but this chocolate chip bagel tasted faintly of onion, which made it very foul. Top off the chocolate-onion bagel with a downpour of rain while walking to class.

I don't mind rain, really. In fact, I kind of like it-- but, because I had coffee in one hand and foul bagel in another, I had no hand to hold my umbrella. Consequently, my hair got really wet and it now looks like I have a Jheri curl. Most foul chocolate-onion bagel; horrible dishwater coffee; wet hair-- and the smells of rain and worms curling around in my nostrils.

I hate worms. I have never touched a worm and will never touch a worm. I was even able to avoid worm-touching in ninth-grade biology class-- my partner did all the dissection. I don't like how they look, and can only imagine how gross they feel in hand (GAG!), and the smell alone is enough to make me dry heave. Most of all, the thing I hate about worms is the soft crunching noise they make when you accidentally step on one. Stepping on a worm doesn't feel like stepping on an ant-- stepping on an ant feels likes stepping on a speck of dust. Stepping on a worm feels like splitting open a really skinny slimy lip-- and that's what they look like, too.

The rain has now turned in to snow. And I have a Pap smear to look forward to this afternoon. Whoopee.