Tips for Frustrated Photographers

During the holiday season, you are likely to be snapping a lot of photos. Either you will be in them, or else you will be taking them. If you want your subject to smile unnaturally wide, it's all in what you ask them to "say." "Say cheese" is hokey and outdated. "Say ice cream," or any other food, is equally awful.

My paternal grandfather always told us, "Say shit," which produced massive giggles from, well, nearly everyone; and I'm sure his joke is responsible for the fact that the Dunning Christmas Eve photo looks more like a yearbook shot of retarded kids gathered around a tree in the library rather than a proper and sedate family photo.

If you are not a fan of my Grandpa Dunning's option, Andrew and I have compiled the following list for your convenience, general usage, and amusement. Ad lib if necessary.

1. Say "funky butt lovin'!"
2. Say "hairy vag."
3. Say "Tits."
4. Say "Twig and berries."
5. Say "Harry Crackensack."
6. Say "Sardine, Saltine, Dramamine."
7. Say "Superman!"
8. Say "Rummy bum."

Enjoy. The best pictures come to those without taste.