Cry Baby

Seriously, nothing ruins your street cred more than a vulgar display of emotion in the classroom. I'm not talking raw anger here-- I'm not the kind of person who flies off the handle in rage-- I'm talking my eyes filling with tears of self-frustration.

At present, students in my composition classes are working on an informative report based on a survey we took a few weeks ago. The survey wasn't the most scientific measure of data ever taken-- it was about the eating habits of college students-- but I thought it yielded sufficient enough data to complete the assignment... especially since the focus of the assignment wasn't to prove something is 110% true, but rather to state what the data seem to suggest, imply, what the trend might be, etc.

Scene: peer response workshop. A student has his paper up on the overhead, we are reading over the data commentary portion and are about to offer him suggestions on how to improve it. The conversation instead turns to the assignment as a whole-- and its multitude of flaws, which I can clearly see now-- but did not see when creating the assignment itself initially (so much of teaching composition is trial and error, anyway). The student, and others in the class, are asking perfectly reasonable questions I can't seem to answer. At one point, I say, "I have not done well teaching this to you. The assignment isn't good-- it isn't clear enough, etc." Tears start welling up in my eyes, at which point I say something like, "I'm sorry. Excuse me. No, I'm not crying-- hahaha, yes I am-- it's just that you need help, and I want to help you, but I'm not sure how I'm supposed to..." Then, I just say, "Sorry, but I can't do any more today."

Then, I'm pissed at myself. This student's paper merited a far better response than I could give. I can't tell if my students are touched at seeing very deeply into my emotions, or if they are shocked that I am so weak.

On Monday, I plan to bring them brownies. Then, I will vow to turn back into a cold hearted bitch for the rest of the remainder of the semester.