Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Po' Bastard Roasts a Chicken

Po' Bastard has roasted chicken numerous times. Usually, Po' Bastard puts a lemon up the chicken's ass, cuts up some carrots and potatoes, and plops it all in a roasting bag. This method traps moisture, making the meat and veggies very tender. And while texture is important, the chicken skin doesn't get brown and crispy, as it does without a roasting bag.

Last night, Po' Bastard felt vintage, and harkened back to the days of roasting a chicken sans bag. And, another change: Po' Bastard put a few cloves of peeled, smushed garlic up the chicken's ass, along with half an onion. Then, Po' Bastard draped some slices of bacon across the breast, and sprinkled the bacon with pepper.

The chicken came out brown as a sorority girl tanning in preparation for her trip to Mexico over Spring Break.

Sweeeeet.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Po' Bastard Makes Marmalade

Po' Bastard had two old oranges, and a lot of new clementines. Po' Bastard decided the best use of old oranges (and one new clementine) was to marmalade them (yes, to marmalade is a real proper infinitive, and can be conjugated into many verb tenses).

While Po' Bastard did follow the recipe (well, sort of, she did a half-batch-- half the weight of fruit, half the sugar, and the juice from only one lemon), she was left with a thick, somewhat settled, marmalade stew. The consistency is unspreadable, but it is dollop-able: Po' Bastard envisions plopping some on top of a bowl of oatmeal, or maybe even on ice cream.

This leads Po' Bastard to ask a question of her adoring fans: can anyone characterize marmalade's proper consistency? Thick or thin? Dark or light? Soupy or spreadable?

Help?

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

I Voted!

Dear Fellow Voters:

Just a reminder that you should get off your fanny and put your two cents in! Vote "yes" on Props 1 and 2; and, most importantly, that you should vote ADAM A. MILLER for Homecoming King.

Uhhh, I mean Mayor.

In addition to the warm fuzzy feeling you will get having done something for your fellow man, you will also receive an "I Voted" sticker, which you can display proudly on your chest like a badge of honor (or dishonor, depending on your position and disposition).

Best of luck, Adam Miller, in your race to save the world and Mt. Pleasant. Go! Fight! Win!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Work and War Metaphor

Yesterday AM, I went to the first proper job interview I've had, well, EVER. It was for a provisional position as an academic advisor here at CMU. Provisional means short-term, like a 5-month long temp assignment; there would be an opportunity to apply for a year-long contract for 2006-2007, but that's only if the Academic Advising budget allows for a year-long contract to happen.

Academic hiring processes are mostly paper-related, involving things like a CV, letter of application, personal statement/teaching pihlosophy, evidence of teaching effectiveness, blahblahblah. You aren't even offered an interview unless your portfolio is exactly what they're looking for. I'm pretty sure most academic would take a look at my CV and say, "Wow, John, this girl's credentials are totally AVERAGE," and then they'd chuck it in the bin with the sandwich crusts and rotten bananas. So, interviewing for an actual job is a big change for me.

I was very proper. I wore a collared shirt and a suit and high heels. But I still tried to look cool and not stiff. I answered the question, "Tell us about yourself," by focusing primarily on employment and educational history. I even asked questions of my interviewers, such as, "What are the technical competenices involved in this job?" I left it feeling pretty OK about it all.

This AM, I went on my dear friend Munka's livejournal, read the first few lines of the entry, and laughed out loud: "Work sucking big ogre balls" or something like this. That Munka! Gets me EVERY time. Anywho, her comment, combined with my interview of yesterday, made me begin to consider how often people talk about work in war metaphor: such as, "John, I was with you in that meeting; we were fighting on the front line," or, "Let's bring out the big guns," or, "John spent some time in the trenches, focused on that deadline."

Could someone shoot me?