Evan Sabotages my Attempt to be a Fun Mom

Finally-- a beautiful winter day that isn't too frigid outside. When Evan came home from school today, I asked, "Hey, wanna play outside on the snow mountains with me? Maybe after we eat lunch?"

"YEAH!" was the enthusiastic reply.

So, after Evan ate lunch and watched a few Tom and Jerry cartoons, I started gathering up our winter gear. "Come on, let's go potty before we go outside."

"No, I don't wanna go potty."

"C'mon, Evan, you don't want to get your winter clothes all wet with peepee when we're outside."

"I'm not going peepee. I'm NOT."

"Yes, you have to before you play outside. I'm going to."

"No, I don't. I don't go peepee."

"OK, fine." I got my hat, coat, boots, and mittens on, and then went to find Evan, who was jumping on my bed and listening to classical music on NPR.

"Look at me, Mom, I'm dancing!"

"I see that. Let's go peepee and get ready to play outside."

"You have to catch me!" I try, mutiple times, and then give up. "Hahaha! Never to get me!" (That last one is his own version of "You'll never catch me.")

Finally, I get fed up. "Well, I'm going outside to play by myself. See you later." I grab my keys and leave the house. I just walk to the mailbox and back. I'm hoping that by the time I get back he will be so freaked out about being left alone that he'll want to come with me to play outside.

I go back in the house, and find Evan crying and coughing. "You can't go outside by yourself! I want to come!"

"Well, then, come play with me outside. Maybe we can find some Santa tracks. Maybe we can find some yellow snow where Marley the dog went peepee. Maybe we can see some Christmas stuff. Want to?" (I'm trying anything to get this kid outside. As I'm saying this stuff, I'm putting on his socks and boots, which he removes each time.)

"No! I want to play inside." He unzips my coat and pulls my hat off my head.

"Fine, Evan. What do you want to play? How about bowling?"

"No, no bowling."

"What do you want to play?"

"I don't want to play anything. Nothing."

"Nothing at all? How about a game?"

"NOTHING!"

"OK, well, I guess you can go in your room and sleep like a baby until you're ready to act nice to Mama and play outside."

"And go to get my bop!"

I find the bop, give it to him, and lay him down in bed. "And don't go anywhere, Mom. You can't go outside. STAY HOME!"

"God, you are so schizophrenic sometimes."

"I'm NOT a 'FRIENDIC'....."

I sigh and close his door. "Yeah, dude, whatever."

"You better not go anywhere! Mom! Mom! Do you listening to me?"

"Yeah, Evan, I won't go anywhere."

Sometimes three-year-olds are really really annoying. I'm trying to be a Fun Mom and Evan does everything in his wee power to sabotage it, which puts me in a bad mood. Why the hell did I spend money on snow boots (which are dreadfully ugly) if I'm not going to be able to use them at all? This is going to be a long-ass winter to be trapped inside, doing NOTHING, which is what Evan wants to do.