VT

There's a lot being written about the horrible tragedy that occured Monday at Virginia Tech. Details are emerging about the victims-- I heard this AM on the radio that one was a civil engineering student from my hometown of Troy. And even more details are emerging about the gunman, who has been described as an extremely withdrawn and depressed loner, an English major whose violent poems scared classmates and professors.

I feel terrible for the victim's families, and all the students, staff, and faculty at Virginia Tech. Last night, I went to a mass for them at our campus Catholic church. The priest's sermon defined the Christian response to tragedy: and that is, to love. He said it's not our role as Christians to figure out why suffering happens, that instead, we need to combat the effects of suffering through acts of love-- through reaching out to others in a very desperate time of need.
I think that's a really great message, and one we all should keep in mind in the next few weeks, as this terrible story unravels more.

As much as I feel for the victims and their families, students, staff, and faculty-- I also feel for the gunman's family. I am certain this is not the accomplishment they had in mind for their son. I'm sure they had high hopes for him, as any parent has for their son or daughter: we all want our children to be successful and feel fulfilled in all aspects of life. I am sure they will be asking themselves, for all eternity, what motivated their son to commit such a vile act. I'm sure at some point, they might even blame themselves-- maybe wondering if they loved him enough, if they should've parented him differently, etc. I hope they'll eventually come to peace with the fact that there probably wasn't anything they could've done for him.

Sometimes people are just really really disturbed... and beyond the realm of help, even from loved ones. These kinds of people are hardwired to eventually do something awful, it's just a question of what and when. I think the gunman was probably this kind of person. In a way, I feel kind of bad for him, too-- he must've felt very helpless, not in control of his emotions, his decisions, or his life. Maybe doing something like this was an attempt to control some aspect of his fate.... though I guess we'll never know.

We must look after each other.

Some Evan-isms

Here are some funny (and a little weird) things my kid has said lately:

1. Andrew and I were sitting out on the front stoop, watching Evan run up and down the sidewalk. We were marveling at how ugly the neighborhood looks at the end of winter, grass all brown and littered with decomposing dog shit; rubbish collecting in the bushes, etc. I turned to Andrew and said, "Looking around at all this makes me feel a little white trash."

Evan's response: "No, geen." (As in, no, don't be daft, mom, we're not white trash; we're green trash.)

Uhhh, OK.

2. Evan, standing by the side of my bed at 5:30 on a Friday morning: "No ghosts."
Me, thinking he had a bad dream: "There aren't any ghosts. It's still night. C'mon, you have to go back to sleep." So, I change his diaper and rock him for a minute, and he sleeps until 9:00 AM, when we have another conversation.

Evan: "Where's dad?"
Me: "Dad is sleeping in Mama's room."
Evan: "Dada is a ghost."
Me: "Oh, really?"
Evan: "Yes, Dada is a ghost in my house."

Come to find out that Andrew checked on Evan at 5:00 AM, before he went to bed; and Evan was in that sleep state where you're awake enough to be aware of movement and noise, but still asleep. He must've been aware that Andrew looked in on him, but it was really pretty creepy.

3. Evan, at a speech screening to help determine what his needs are at a language-intensive summer camp he will attend, looking at a picture of a horse jumping over a fence: "See the poop?" points at the brown ground underneath the horse.

Speech therapist: "No, I don't think it's poop. It's the ground."

Evan: "No, no; it's poop. See the poop?"

How can you argue with this type of insistence? It's not possible.

Summer plans

As the semester is winding down, I find myself winding down as well... though I'm probably winding down a little too much. I am struggling to stay on top of my grading-- this is because I'm having trouble maintaining a positive and engaged attitude toward schoolwork. Even worse, I am annoyed by my own apathy.

I'll get it together. It's my goal to have two sets of papers graded by finals week. I can do it if I put my mind to it.

I think.