Getting things -on

Call me daft. Call me old. Call me daft and old, or even old and daft-- but what is it with my freshman comp students lame desire to add the word "on" to any everyday word to make it smack of ghetto-fabulousness? And, moreover, since when is ghetto-fabulous language appropriate in academic writing?

A few years ago-- one student wrote about "getting [his] dance on" at the smarmy and horrible Wayside-- a bar many upperclassmen call The Wastedside. And just recently, another girl wrote about "getting [her] drink on." What the hell does that mean?

Truly, when I say, "I am putting my pants on," or, "I am putting this lid on," it's not because I'm trying to adopt a certain tone. I guess I just don't understand the youthful desire to affect any tone, other than the one you were meant to have.

I wish it would mean something when I tell them to write authentically. But, to write authentically, I guess that means you have to live authenthically as well-- because that's how you learn to listen to, and even like, the voice you were gifted with. This desire is one of the main reasons I tell me students: focus on "I", not "you." We're interested in YOUR experiences, not in you telling us about ours.

(I'm going to) Get my write on.

Po' Bastard's

Po' Bastard's Bah-Humbug Cocoa

Well, here it is again, that horrible jingle-jingle-sleigh-herecomesfuckingSanta time of year. While some people get off on all the excess-- the presents and the misteltoe and the visiting with relatives you could give a crap about-- at this time of year, it's difficult to get Po' Bastard off the couch.

However, the following drink, which is tasty, easy, and most importantly, WARM-- can put even the Bah-humbuggiest Po' Bastard in a less Grinch-like mood. Po' Bastard plans on several cups of it this Saturday evening, while putting up the Christmas tree and testing strands of lights.

1 heaping tsp. (unsweetened) cocoa
2 heaping tsp. sugar
1 cup milk
Peppermint Schnapps

Mix the cocoa and sugar with a bit of the milk until you have a smooth paste. Stir in the remaining milk, and stir all of this until it's smooth. Put in the micro on high for 45 seconds, take it out, and stir again. Put back in the micro for about another minute, take it out, stir it again, and add peppermint schnapps to taste. If you want marshmallows, you should probably add them after you add the schnapps.

Put on your Santa hat and dance around the tree in festive drunkenness.